All our problems are solved

I hereby propose Dublin City Council for the Genius of the Year 2012 Award.

Why is that, you ask?

[Or maybe you don’t]

Because Dublin City Council has a problem and has used the most remarkable piece of logic to solve that problem.

The problem is that the Council has placed litter bins throughout the city.  And people are putting their litter in them, and this apparently is infuriating the Council.  So it is removing the bins again

You have to admit that the logic here is quite brilliant.  Remove the bins, and that removes the litter.  Sheer fucking genius!

I used to have a computer game called SimCity.  This involved constructing a city with all the required services such as roads.  As the city grew, so the roads became more congested.  The solution [in the game] was to remove the roads again, whereby traffic immediately stopped!  So someone in Dublin City Council must have played that game and is applying the same logic to the litter bins.

I presume by the same logic, councils are going to solve the water problem by removing all the water mains?  And while they are at it, they might as well remove the sewers to solve any potential problems there?

Of course other departments and organisations are soon going to see the advantages here and will presumably jump on the bandwagon.  The HSE will cure the nation’s health problems in one swift bang by demolishing all the hospitals?  The financial crisis will be solved by blowing up all the banks [why burn the bondholders when we can burn the bonds]?  Our political problems will be solved by nuking Leinster House?  [Pleeeeeease can I do that one??]  We can eliminate crime overnight by removing all the Garda Stations?  The list is potentially endless.

All our problems will be solved.

An it all started with a piece of litter.

Sheer fucking genius indeed.

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Comments

All our problems are solved — 18 Comments

  1. GD; At least you’d be able to kill outlaws.
    One problem though – if the bins were removed, where would my poor dog be able to piss against? The little rascal seems to make a point by always having a slash against them on his rounds.

  2. JOSman – Do they?  But then what do they know?

    InisEanna – That’s the trouble with geniuses.  They never think things through.  Your dog will just have to tie a knot in it.

  3. Did something similar in our town centre. It was populated with those old fashioned benches you know the sort that have a back rest on them. Along comes £3M of taxpayer funded improvements and all back rest equipped benches are binned and replaced with flat granite benches that have no backs but do light up at night.
    The ‘problem’ these benches solved was too many ‘old folk’ sitting around the town centre chatting and making the place look untidy!

  4. “The problem is that the Council has placed litter bins throughout the city.  And people are putting their litter in them” you write.
     
    No. The problem, having read the article you referred us to, isn’t that people are putting their litter in them. It is that people are putting their household refuse in them. I, myself, detect a difference there. I take it you don’t?

    The solution , I agree, is not to get rid of the bins. It is to get rid of the twats who are dumping their garbage in them.

  5. Maybe councils should put up large signs saying that all street furniture is not to be used as intended?

    tt – You’re getting fierce pedantic in your old age.  Of course I read the article and am well aware what was written.  The principle stands though – if people are putting domestic refuse in the bins, you don’t stop them by removing the bins.  If I were one of the dumpers, I would just dump my rubbish where the bin used to be, just to teach ‘em a lesson.

  6. Taking away the bins won’t solve the problem. The “dumpers” will just find somewhere else to put their household waste.
    I speak personally based on my own current circumstances. My missus and CANNOT AFFORD to pay for a bin service. If there’s any bits left over from our meals we burn it in the fire. The same goes for any paper/cardboard packaging. Plastic containers are brought to the local recycling point. The only thing I place in litter bins is ashes from the fire the night before. 
    This is being done by myself and others simply because we have no choice at present,

  7. Well consider me spanked. I use the street bin that stands outside the newsagents next door to put my small amount of ‘non recyclable’ ‘domestic rubbish’ in for a couple of reasons.
    1. The council cut our ‘grey bin capacity’ in half to save themselves EU landfill fines without asking the people who pay their pensions if that was what we wanted, the wankers.
    2. The grey bins if put out before 11pm the night before collection or left out longer than 9-00 pm attract the owners of said bin a fine from psychopaths masquerading as ‘streetcare officers’ the wankers
    3. The grey bins attract the local yoof who go through periods of filling them with vodka bottles and tinnies and then at other times of the year set fire to them or relocate them in an adjoining back street.
    4. Thanks to a loose tongued ‘streetcare officer’ spilling the beans it costs the council and be default the council taxpayers, 56p a day to empty each street bin regardless of how full it is. As the one near us gets hardly any use…
     
     

  8. InisEanna – Apparently the council believes that people who are bunging their domestic waste in the bins will somehow see the light and dispose of it in the normal expensive way.  Are they fucking serious?  Those same people will just dump it in a laneway or over a wall or something.  Removing the bins is just an incredibly stupid move.  Incidentally you are probably breaking a couple of dozen EU rules by burning your waste.  Tut, tut!  Heh!

    William – Fuck!  If any little jobsworth told me what time to put out my bin, I’d shove it up his arse.  Ours go out anytime after midday the day before and are brought back in sometime within the following week.  We’re kinda laid back here and no one complains.  Mind you - I very rarely put the bin out these days.  I find it a lot cheaper just to bung my rubbish over my garden wall.

  9. “Those same people will just dump it in a laneway or over a wall or something. Removing the bins is just an incredibly stupid move.” – Exactly!!
     
    Or if you’d like to look at it another way; local authorities and Government has placed myself and a lot of other Irish citizens on the rubbish dump of austerity. Is that not illegal?
    While I think of it – I might start collecting my Terrier Ozzy’s crap and keep it somewhere for the next time some gubmint bigwig visits Shannon. Now THAT’S what I’d call dumping responsibly!

  10. InisEanna – I would suggest you start Ozzy on a rich high-fibre diet straight away.  I wonder if you can freeze dog ppo to keep it fresh for elections?

    Not Green – Aw sweet fuck!  This world really has gone way beyond a joke.  Have they honestly nothing better to do with their time?  Mind you, it wouldn’t surprise me if Brussels might have had a wee hand in that.  It has that stench of EU backed pissy little laws, rules and regulations.

  11. Spitting on the pavement is a common cultural occurrence around China, so I suppose the thousands of local authorities here could follow the Dublin Corpo lead by removing all town pavements. They could then use the hard core for building an extension to the Great Wall. Great for job creation – and I’m sure FÁS training agency might prove to be an imaginative consultancy. It’s time for lateral, vertical,  horizontal and subterranean thinking all round in these dizzying times.

  12. I’m sure that the EU must be reading a lot into medieval history like Hitler & Co. did. Give it a couple of years and the Local Mayors will have the right to sleep with brides in waiting.

  13. Ger, It would be great If we could remove all The Chinese from here. The numbers of them gobbing brainfulls of rancid snot on Dublin pavements is shocking. It used to be a problem with chewing gum sticking to your shoes
    Now its an assault course of snot and gum on our throughfares. 

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