Sex with a hippopotamus

I am not TV3’s greatest fan.

It’s a television station that obviously caters for brain dead yoof as its output consists almost entirely of cheap Mercan comedy, anything they can get for nowt off ITV and films that are all of the Rambo variety.

If there is nothing better on, I occasionally watch Vinnie of an evening however, as he rarely fails to make me chuckle.

I have noticed in the past that during Vinnie’s programme they run advertisements for chat lines.

Now anyone who falls for these ads must be in a very sad bad way indeed.  They show a couple of slappers in their underwear reclining on beds and beckoning for us to apparently join them.  They about as seductive as a regurgitated pint of stout. The bodies, I might add are a testament to the abilities of some plastic [silicon?] surgeon somewhere.  With all due respect to the girls but they are about as sexually alluring as a wallowing hippopotamus.

hippopotamus
“Doing anything tonight, honey?”

Naturally we are supposed to believe that these scantily clad specimens are waiting in suspense for us to call them and talk dirty.  In truth however we are far more likely to end up talking to some bored haggard pox-ridden old housewife who is doing the dishes as she talks dirty.

Now I treat these advertisements as they deserve – I mute the sound and ignore them.  Others may wish to spend a fortune talking dirty to Sharon from Tallaght and that’s their business.

However some are not so tolerant.

Our Derek Keating, aspiring public representative, and member of our Glorious Gubmint has taken grave exception to these slices of tart.

As our country teeters on the brink of ruin,  Mr Keating has far more important matters on his tiny mind.

“As I sit at home late at night awaiting what is for me and many others a very challenging political programme, I see young, scantily dressed girls on TV3 encouraging and inviting people to participate with them by way of a call centre. I wish to make no bones about it today: given the information I have, I believe this is a cover for prostitution,” he told the Dail last week.

What the fuck is wrong with this idiot?  He is prepared to waste everyone’s time over a few crappy advertisements on television that the rest of the country wisely ignores?

He went on to say that prostitution is rife in the country and readily available in every city and town and it is “inextricably linked with sex trafficking”.

Oh fuck!  Yes.  I agree.  I trip over a bank [a wank?] of prostitutes every time I walk down the lane.  There are five on the roof and fifteen in the ditch.  The whores are everywhere.

*sigh*

All I can say is that it takes a filthy mind to see filth everywhere.

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Comments

Sex with a hippopotamus — 10 Comments

  1. As always nowadays Grandad issues afflict different countries with interesting coincidences of timing. Over here on the big island our brussels bootboys are becoming suddenly obsessed with porn on the Interwebs and the threat to our dear cheeeldren who might see something titilating. It’s therefore to be expected that your gubmint should set out on a similar display of hand wringing over the same issue, wait for it to be diverted into an Internet porn censorship debate.

  2. Woodsy42 – I have been following that “debate” [use of quotes to signify that there is never ever any real policy determining debate] on the opt in/opt out filtering.  I follow the rule that the more idiotic the proposal, the more likely it stems from Brussels, so it is only a matter of time before we too are subject to the same nannying. And have you noticed that there seems to be an increase in the number of “reality” TV programs showing people competing to lose weight?  Very fucking subtle, I don’t think.

    Incidentally, if they do introduce Interweb censoring, I suppose that is me rightly fucked……..  :|

  3. “All I can say is that it takes a filthy mind to see filth everywhere.”


    Spot on GD. And he looks like a complete wanker as well.
    Probably watches the Playboy Channel.
    (Which I understand is available but have no personal knowledge of you).

  4. Mossy – He is probably pissed because the missus has been checking his phone bill!  Heh!  Playboy Channel?  I honestly wouldn’t know where to look for it.  And I’m not going to bother trying. 

  5. I take grave exception to your portrayal, as you put it of, “Some bored haggard pox-ridden old housewife who is doing the dishes as she talks dirty”. She was lovely when we exchanged vows, as they all are, and your cheap use of a photo of her Mother, is nothing short of a personal attack. 
    A trip to the Four Goldmines might just be on, after I speak with my solicitors, Messrs Sue, Grabbit & Run.

  6. John – Nonsense.  You know as well as I do that she is thick skinned.  A hide like a rhinoceros, as it were.

  7. They’re probably clearing the way for the Michael Noonan / Phil Hogan channel. These two can take turns telling you how they’re going to screw you over! Wait a minute……… they already have!

  8. Oh sweet fuck!!  I have now got the most horrific image in my head of Michael Noonan and Phil Hogan reclining on a bed wearing only a bra and knickers and beckoning for me to join them.  Thanks very fucking much, Not Green.  I feel sick……

    Slab – That’s the channel with all the alter-boys on it?

  9. So as to mss all the filth I would suggest wearing blinkers but then a riding crop, jodphurs, long boots and leather tackle (gasp, grunt, sweat), would also be required.
    Forget it.

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