So we are on the wind-up to Paddy’s Day.

Pubs throughout the country are doubling their stock in anticipation of one massive drunken orgy.

Nothing wrong with that.

The latest fad to sweep the world is to light things up with a green light in honour of our Paddy.  I’m not quite sure what the real point of this is.  Our Minister for Tourism – The Idiot Varadkar – reckons “this initiative will significantly raise Ireland’s profile”.  No it won’t, you fucking twat.  It will make people look at Table Mountain or the Leaning Tower of Pisa or whatever and wonder why it’s turned green.

I confess I am slightly bemused by the way the whole world seem to want to grab our National Holiday.  After all, no other country can claim the same honour.  We don’t give a flying fuck about St George’s Day or Independence Day or any other day for that matter so what is so fucking special about March 17th?

Don’t get me wrong.  I have no problem with the entire world getting hammered and it has the added benefit of setting the Righteous Puritans into a fucking feeding frenzy [nice drop of alliteration there?] and will set them roaring about how work is the curse of the drinking classes drink is the curse of the working classes.  Doubtless it will lead to international calls for the abolition of alcohol altogether.  Anything that worries the Righteous Puritans is a good thing, in my book.  With a bit of luck a few will have painful heart attacks and die.

The other good thing about Paddy’s Day is that it is officially the start of the tourist season here.  [It starts on March 17th but never ends, which is a strange paradox?].

Time to polish up the rifle and stock up on ammo, methinks.

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Going green around the gills — 16 Comments

  1. I always miss home on St.Patrick’s Day.
    There is no event in Tunisia to mark the day whereas when I was in Lagos were always invited to the Irish Ambassadors place for a bash.
    Bacon and cabbage ‘an all!!
    No Ambassador here unfortunately.

  2. “Time to polish up the rifle and stock up on ammo, methinks.”
    You’ll only get six years if you manage to hit any of them GD. Just don’t be tempted to take their money, or do any hold ups or you’ll be in the slammer a lot longer.
    Maybe you could take out a Dozy Fucking Judge or two as well.

  3. Well let’s see, you’ll need some 7.62 Nato for across the course and some 6.5/283 for long range and of course some good old fashioned 50cal to take vehicles out.  I’m also figuring you’ll want some of the anti-SUV rockets.  Any thing I’m missing for this order?

  4. Slab – I’m a fully paid up. fully licensed member of the Irish Tourist Shooting Association, so no worries there.  I may well accidentally pot off a few TDs though in which case I shall plead sanity.

    Brianf – That sounds good.  I’ll bang the cheque in the post as per.  Incidentally I hear your military are doing some interesting things with chain-guns?  Any chance of a sample?

  5. The 30 caliber Mini-guns sell out as fast as I get them.  I have a 10 barrel 40mm Vulcan cannon that I’ll send along with the order.

  6. Brianf – Yup.  You can throw in the Vulcan.  I’m sure I’ll find a very good use for it.

    tt – Aw fuck!  Don’t tell me is was one of those fucking “shave your head and scrotum for charity” days?  And the answer is that I  didn’t.  And never will.

  7. You didn’t mention the bogs?  Have you grown weary of luring tourist into them?  Or, have they all filled up with tourists?  🙂

  8. Enough of Pete Bogs and Alec Guiness, I get to play with my old mucker (fuck off tt) Bob Shaw in the St. Patrick’s day golf tournament. (it’s a four ball better ball, so I get the chance to bring him down to my skill level.
    It’s what St Patrick’s day is all about – GOLF.
    Who the FF is St. George. when he’s at home?

  9. Sorry to say I will not be passing through this year. But…fad saol agat, gob fliuch, agus bás in Eirinn, son!

    or…er…something like that.

    knock off a tourist for me.

  10. I’ll wear Chinese-made green underpants with the slogan: Kiss my green jocks: I’m Irish. I’m gonna paint Shanghai green.

  11. Good excuse for a piss up! 😀 Guessing that’s why us brit’s stole it….. we love a good excuse……

    St. George is a saint of some kind right? I’m only guessing at that one. 


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