I have been defamed

I despise the tabloid press.

They go for the sensationalist, cheap headlines and don’t give a damn for truth and honesty.  Their motto is ‘sales above all else’ and many an honest upright citizen has been trampled by their voracious appetite for lurid headlines.

I am sad to say that I have been the victim of their latest sensationalism.

Imagine my horror and disgust when I read this cheap nasty bit of gutter journalism yesterday.

I normally only read that site just to make sure that it is still there, and yesterday, I was wading through the lies, the innuendo and the fifth rate writing when I came across this line -

I’m the daughter of a USaphobe

Apart from the fact that there is no such word, this is obviously a pathetic attempt to slur my name by making me out to be some kind of hater of Americans.

Of course, my regular readers will know that this is a blatant lie.  I know that Americans have their little foibles.  There is the fact that they can’t spell.  We all know that they have no sense of humour.  We have all been irritated with their loud grating accent and their complete inability to take a joke, but apart from those minor factors, Americans are lovely people.  I welcome Americans with loaded open arms.

I am of course initiating legal proceedings against that rag.

I shall demand a full and contrite apology, and compensation commensurate with my standing in the community.

Until then, if she wants me to any babysitting, she can fucking whistle.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponDigg thisPin on PinterestShare on RedditShare on Tumblr

Comments

I have been defamed — 10 Comments

  1. Well you see, I’d sue. I was on my way out to buy another 4 copies of your book when I read that and changed my mind.

    Then I met at least 17,000 people on the way back from the book shop who all felt the same.

    They all said that they were going to buy 8 or 9 copies each. That’s nearly erm, well it’s loads of copies she’s cost you.

  2. Well, I’ve bought your book Grandad, and I laughed. My husband laughed even louder, but then he’s still touchy about America since they took away his Green Card. I have a sense of humoUr, but then maybe I’ve just lived here too long LOL.

    Anyhow, since you’ve got a babysitting slot opening up, erm… how’s Thursday night, 7?

  3. Maxi – Damnit but there are going to be some serious damages after this court case [mostly to our K8].

    Susan – The fact that you can spell humoUr shows that you are less of an American than you think, and are well on the path to being cured. Thursday is fine. Just send the baby in the post, and I’ll do the rest.

  4. Slanderous Grandad, and I would not stand for such besmirching.

    Personally, I love Americans, and Canadians for that matter. But never cross-breed them. The ‘Amerinadian’ is a vile, bloodthirsty chimera, less than the sum of its parts, liable to disembowel you and eat your entrails. They also do little charity work, if any.

  5. Strange people the Amurkans. Lovely warm hospitable people and open hearted but its hard to like their politics. I suppose its wrong to judge Irish people by their politicians too. That’s a scarey thought…

  6. I reeded that fin peace of literatr an thut it was rill rilly guud. It had lots of HUMOR and was writin guud.
    We have Comrade the Messiah and you have Biffo.
    We thousands of TV channels all filled with horrible commercials you have thousands of TV channels all filled with horrible commercials.
    We use to have a TV show called Friends…we exported it to you.
    We have a country full of dullards who liked watching Friends, you have a country full of dullards who like watching Friends.
    We have hundreds of regional accents, you have hundreds of regional accents.
    Here some folks in the south talk funny, you have Norn Iron.
    So you see the US is just a big version of Ireland but we have terminally cool pick-up trucks.

  7. Of course Americans are loud, obnoxious, and opinionated. American was largely settled by Europeans.

    Farther more we were settled by all of scoundrels, never-do-wells, and trouble makers that got kicked out of every decent country in the old world when we pissed off the king, mayor, or village priest.

    My ancestors hail from Northern Pennsylvania, an area settled by Scot and Irish “farmers”. Who were usually escaped indentured servants or army deserters. Our place in history is secure as the first people to rebel again the newly form United States of America when they uppity politicians tried to tax our whiskey.

    The only surprising thing is that we are not more disagreeable then we are.

  8. Lovely my dearest one,

    It is oince again a much acquainted we are meeting v1agrA to your Pecoc3t. Your hard wrench plate and vagrant magpie penetrates to my soul in the meeting place. Spake thus unto me thine perscrimpton drugs cheep.

    I am duaghter magnate esquardio of $136,000,000 in ur name and bank Swiss of the lovely off shore account of my maiden fatherhead since last contact my mother’s goat. Will send goat and check to your most worthy gas expulsion to my ultimate satisfied v1cdoin…

    Y’all.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>