Green Post

I was sitting here this morning when there was a crash from the front of the house.

I went to investigate and found that the post had arrived.  The porch floor was covered with envelopes and things.

It’s nice to be loved.  People have taken the trouble to write to me.

I gathered the armful of stuff and brought it in.  I sorted it on the kitchen table – one pile of stuff to read, and one pile for recycling/burning/landfill/throwing over the neighbour’s wall.

I stood back and looked at the two piles.

The important pile had two sheets of paper – an electricity bill and a phone bill.  They aren’t even that important, because I don’t bother paying them.

The other pile consisted of the envelopes, flyers, glossy brochures full of naked semi-clad women, glossy brochures full of garden furniture, glossy brochures telling me about a lot of crap that I didn’t want to know about.  There were offers of broadband.  There was an invite to join a gym eight miles away [hah!].  There was a letter from my bank telling me what a wonderful customer I am.  I already know that.

The ESB even sent me two [identical] glossy brochures on how to save money.  They could save me money by not printing those brochures and deducting the cost from my bill [that I don't pay].

It’s funny really.  Everyone is on the Eco-bandwaggon.  It’s politically correct to talk green.  Let’s plant trees.  Let’s watch our carbon footprint. Let’s be environmentally friendly.

But that’s all it is – talk.

Not one of them will do a fucking thing about it.

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Comments

Green Post — 17 Comments

  1. Were the brochures as Gaeilge?

    Don’t be paying much heed to what is planned – it’s what is done that matters.

    Do you remember the campaign to make us all drive with our car lights on? What year was that?

    Then there was the campaign (with some sort of viking ad) to clean up Dublin. Is that four years ago?

    How many other things have we planned? There’s the new children’s hospital; the new prison; the reduction of class sizes; the decentralisation programme . . .

  2. Heard someone before who got peeved receiving all this junk mail, so he kept putting it in an un-stamped envelope and sending it back to the company addressed to “accounts payable” so they would always receive them and pay the postage, only to find it was their own junk back…

  3. Ian – some were in English and as Gaeilge. Even more bulk. And don’t talk to me about these failed campaigns. As if were are to read a pamphlet and suddenly realise that we must realign our entire lives? Hah!

    Grannymar – Quite a few of them. All unstamped!

    Sam – I like that idea. The only problem is that I couldn’t be bothered to get off my arse and post them.

    Johnie – Now that’s more like it.

    Actually, I have just taken a stroll down to the landfill. It’s nearer than the Post Office. Also, paper is very good for composting down bodies, or so someone once told me…..

  4. Of course you’re not meant to USE the gym, you’re just meant to run there and back. In any case it probably only opens one hour a day when the sun’s directly overhead and they don’t need lighting, to minimise their carbon footprint.

  5. Nick – I am proud to announce that I have never ever set foot in a gymnasium. Nor have I any intention of doing so. I value my health too much.

  6. Quite. I’ve had three letters from Virgin Media advising me to switch to paperless bills – all after I switched to paperless bills. And if they’d stop trying to convince me to use their TV package, they’d save a whole lot of trees.

  7. When I’ve sifted the load of post into two bundles, I get on me bike to the postbox up the street and stuff what I don’t need in the slot. It’s max recycling, cause they can deal it out to other suckers and save paper, printing, posties shoe-leather.

    And I get that warm glow that comes from putting one over on the bxstrxds.

    And I get a bit of much needed exercise on the bike.

    And … Why have I got a bloody union flag opposite me name? I ‘m a closet Shetlander

  8. I’m a member of the Australian Conservation Foundation who insist on sending me pages and pages of stuff each quarter about their conservation efforts. Similarly the Cancer Council sends me little stickers for snail mail (which I never use) complementary envelopes and plethora of case studies to convince me to give them $50! The mailing alone would have cost that. Fortunately, we’re on five acres and the junk mail deliverers can’t be bothered waltzing down the street to stuff our mail box so it’s paid mail only for us.

  9. Isn’t it funny how computers were meant to bring about a paperless society, but we’re all drowning in more and more junk mail because computers just make it easier to churn out huge quantities of rubbish at the click of a mouse?

  10. Do I take it we all love junk mail??

    Paddy – I’m not particularly worried about the junk stuff. I have a box in the porch [Porche?] just for that. It’s the crap that is addressed to me from banks/companies that I have dealings with or who have scraped my address from somewhere.

    Walltoall – Have we met before? Welcome! ;) My site is extremely intelligent and obviously assigned a flag based on the content of your site, rather than your lineage? I fell very sorry for your poor postman!!!

    Another quirk I love is that Eircom [phone company] insist on sending me an email every month or whatever to say I can read my bill on-line [but I can't access it for some reason] and I always get the bill through the post the following morning.

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